Every success is built on the corpse of the person we were born to be. We all have to “kill” ourselves, often in the most gruesome manner possible, to become more than the bloke produced by the collision of History, Genetics and Accident on the day we were born. - Robert Anton Wilson

Guess I’m doing it right.

Keepin’ the lasagna flying.

I came across your picture today. It was strange to have all those old feelings well up inside me, since they should have been long gone by now.

You never really fall out of love with someone, but you sure can convince yourself you have.

I won’t be in touch. It was enough just to see you again.

The pictures are all I can feel.

I have my doubts about Transcendental Meditation. Oh, not about whether it works or not; I know it does. I have a problem with the money it takes to learn it.

Anyone can meditate, of course, but the kind with a capital T and a capital M - which is actually trademarked - is expensive. I was trained in TM(TM) back in 1992 and at that time it was $1,000 for the two hours per day for seven days. That works out to $70+ per hour … to learn how to sit quietly and use a mantra.

While learning TM(TM) was worth it for me, I would never have done it on my own. I was in college full-time and I thought it was ridiculous to spend any amount of money on it, much less a cool grand. However, my employer at the time (who was crazy, and I don’t mean in a good way) insisted I learn it, paid for it, and so I went. Now I hear it’s $2,500 for the same training ($172+ per hour).

Here’s my issue: It seems to me that if the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi and his followers want the entire world to practice their form of meditation, thereby creating open consciousness leading to world peace, they’d all do it for FREE. Then again, I’ve never understood how the Catholic church can be so rich and its followers in South and Central America be so poor, either.

Today I read that David Lynch is donating $5M to college campuses all over the country to teach TM(TM). Finally, a practitioner puts his money where his mouth is. If you’re in college, you should see what you can do to get in on this deal, since someone else will foot the bill.

But I’ll bet you could learn to sit quietly and silently chant a mantra for 20 minutes a day on your own, too.

Om sweet om.

Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post. Don’t post.

Especially right this moment.

After the age of 25, birthdays on the zeros - 30, 40, etc. - are milestones and should include a completely over the top celebration. If you know me at all, you know “over the top” is a good place to start.

Birthdays on the 5s are half-milestones and should be celebrated in the same fashion, if only for the excuse to give yourself a huge party every five years instead of every 10.

Birthdays on the 4s and 9s are wonderful because there are 12 months to plan and implement the big party for the following year, which takes your mind off the current birthday entirely.

The rest of ‘em? They’re just depressing. This is why I start planning the next bash so far in advance, so consider this your official notice that you’ve only got 4 years to get ready for DIVA LAS VEGAS in late April or early May of 2011.

It will be the largest, most out of control party so far, which is good since the world as we know it will come to an end in 2012.

Hail Quetzalcoatl!

Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does allow you choice of misery.

I drove down to Albuquerque for a couple of days this week and now I’m catching shit from people for not getting in touch and spending time with them. Evidently, this means I suck. Here’s why:

1) There are a lot of people I miss and would like to see, but a two-day trip allows for one night of getting together. I chose who to spend it with this time and next time I’ll choose someone else. This way we actually get a chance to catch up on each other’s lives, which is preferable than trying to talk to a huge group of people in a noisy, crowded bar.

2) I’m not interested in going to club on Thursday. See the above about “noisy, crowded bar,” but more than that - and don’t take this personally - there are some amazing club nights here in Denver. In fact, there are six club nights a week, so I get my fill. Add concerts to the schedule and it’s all a person can do just to stay home some nights.

3) I’m not moving back. EVER. You should think about moving yourself. Seriously, I don’t understand how someone can live in a town that hates them so much. Then again, I managed to do it successfully for years, so to each his own. *shrug*

4) This was a business trip, which means business comes first. I’d love to just visit, but I can’t keep making the trek down there if there’s no money with which to do it. Worse, when I do have vacation time, I don’t opt to go to Albuquerque as a first choice. Maybe you should consider visiting Denver … ?

5) When I have a moment, I might call you to see if you’re available for a quick get-together. Do I have your number? No? Whose fault is that?

Hopefully this clears things up a bit. Thanks for your continued patience and understanding … or for at least being diplomatic enough to fake it.

If it helps, I certainly don’t think you suck.

But Alice doesn’t live here anymore.

Overt hatred is preferable to those who hide their true feelings.

You know where you stand with someone who bares their teeth regularly.

Never attribute to maliciousness what can easily be explained by stupidity.

Here’s some help from Tom Lehrer and YouTube.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.