Worry no more! With the handy-dandy Armageddon Flowchart, you’ll know exactly what’s happening throughout the ordeal.

Unless, of course, you’re a Xtian and got “taken up” at the Rapture immediately prior to all the fun.

Looking forward to that part of it.

The filming for MTV’s latest installment of the show has been going on for about a month, right up the street from our place. I haven’t mentioned it before because, quite frankly, I don’t care. The show was insipid when it started and I highly doubt it’s gotten much better over the years.

A co-worker once asked me if I watched the series and I replied that the real world - no capital letters, no trademark symbol - was choosing which CDs to sell that day because your electricity was going to be shut off tomorrow. She was offended and didn’t respond, but she didn’t stop talking to me for all time, either. Well, at least 50% of my intention in making the statement was met. *shrug*

The real world is deciding which you could sell in the supermarket parking lot to buy food: Your stereo or your TV.

The real world involves working 2 part time jobs because no full-time jobs were available that would work with your 18 credit hour schedule at school.

The real world is opting for the abortion rather than having a kid at 16.

The real world is moving back in with your parents at age 27 because you can’t make enough money to live on your own.

The real world is moving a 3-bedroom house into a studio apartment because your husband left you.

The real world is stressful, chaotic, and mostly irritating. It is filled with girlfriends / bosses / baristas / spouses / landlords / cashiers / boyfriends / acquaintances / homeless people who spend an inordinate amount of time and energy trying to make your life miserable. Sure, it has its moments of joy and exuberance, but those are mostly a reaction of surprise over something going right for a change.

The real world is NOT having your rent paid by a television network, nor is it having every aspect of your life controlled so it looks good on film. It is NOT all about clubbing and drinking and getting involved in junior high school-level shenanigans with your roommates and friends.

Life is hard and reality TV isn’t real. Given the alternative for the former, I work hard and make my life what I can of it. As for the latter, you probably knew it was fake. If you didn’t, why are you reading this? It must be waaaaay over your head. Quick, there’s a new Regis Philbin show premiering soon. Go on, now. Shoo!

Today I ran across the Get Real Denver blog. One of our intrepid local reporters is getting the scoop on the latest in the series and is occasionally catching hell for it. You can imagine I’m on his side.

And if I happen to run into those idiots and their cameras before the filming is over, I’ll let you know. It would be interesting to see how they’d cut me yelling “THE REAL WORLD SUCKS” at them. I’ll see if I can catch them during a (no doubt pre-positioned and nearly fully rehearsed) “moment.”

We have The Real World to thank for the entire “reality” TV genre. THANKS, MTV!

When you write, it inspires me to the same endeavor.

Actually, it’s more than that;

Your insights spark my own.

Don’t stop.

I have quite a few pet peeves - any misanthrope does, especially when forced to deal with other humans in any form - but one on the top of my list is when folks can’t get the non-husband on the phone, so they call me to find him.

I can’t tell you why this bothers me so much. It’s silly, incidental, not worth my attention, and most people wouldn’t give it a second thought. Yet I find myself really irritated when it happens.

I think it stems from my years of railing against the idea that just because I have a significant other, it does not follow that we are interchangeable or joined at the proverbial hip. I am not his keeper and I am not involved in his daily schedule at work any more than he is involved in mine. Rather, we are individuals who happen to get along well enough to live together. We each have our own life and spend time on outside activities without the other tagging along. I have my interests and sometimes even separate friends. So does he.

When he doesn’t answer his phone (or return calls) and he is not immediately in my vicinity, what does the caller expect? That I will somehow click into psychic mode and know where to find him? Perhaps they think I have a special power for getting the man on the phone when others don’t … ? This may be true for many couples, but not for us. Trust me, when he’s busy at work, he doesn’t pick up his phone for anyone, including me.

He’s told me before to just get over it and I sincerely try each time I get a call like this. I suppose I could work harder on that. I mean, there’s enough in each day to worry about without blowing a minor moment like this completely out of proportion.

And whatever you do, don’t get me going on the people who return a call because of a Caller ID entry alone, especially to a phone line several others use.

I need to write a book on modern phone etiquette.

Dish Network doesn’t carry Logo - MTV/Viacom’s new network for the GLBT community - but if this short film is any indication of the content, I may have to petition to get it added to our lineup.

As if the TiVO doesn’t have enough to do already.

It started with a satellite photo on Google Maps of the Denver International Airport. Go ahead and look it up.

Do the runways kind of look like a swastika to you? I didn’t think so, either, but some folks have happily jumped to the next logical (?) conclusion. Like that the giant, white tent-like structure of the airport looks like a row of huge, white hoods.

Further, DIA was built to replace Stapleton Airport. Stapleton was named after a former mayor of Denver who was actively and publicly involved in the Ku Klux Klan, as were most Colorado politicians in the 1920’s. An article in the Rocky Mountain News of November 23, 1999 says:

From Klan headquarters at 1345 Glenarm Place, Clarence Morley, an obscure Denver District Court judge and high-ranking Klan officer, became governor. Rice Means - a Klan member appointed Denver’s city attorney - won a short-term U.S. Senate seat. Ben Stapleton became Denver’s mayor with Klan support, then survived a recall election with Locke running his campaign.

But he ultimately proved a political blunderer and failed to regain the Republican Party’s nomination in 1927.

As if that’s not enough to get the wheels turning, check out this video about the great fascist DIA conspiracy.

I’m gonna really look at that mural next time I fly.

What’s wrong with “Nice Guys?” The Heartless Bitches will tell ya.

I can think of about 6 guys I know who need to read this immediately.

There will be about 20 dates across North America, starting this September, featuring Imperative Reaction, Seabound, and Covenant.

I will think I’m dreaming until the actual tour dates go live on the websites.

2006 has had the best show lineups in decades.

WANTED: Stage submissives for the annual Whip It show scheduled for the end of July in Denver. No experience necessary, just an open mind and a willingness to experience very light sensation play in front of other attendees. This is not for the main stage, this is for brief moments of entertainment elsewhere in the club during the event. Contact Diva via this website if interested or to answer any questions / concerns / fears.

… Mutaytor.

Someone finally combined Cirque de Soleil and the Jim Rose Circus.

Powder is also worth seeing live, if you can.