Have you seen the MySpace t-shirts at Hot Topic? My personal favorite has the title of this post on it.
The following list appeared in my bulletins over there and I just had to share it. I don’t know the author(s), so if you do, write me and I will give appropriate credit for it.
IF MYSPACE WAS REAL LIFE
You’d have a friend named Tom creepily following you around giving you bad news constantly.
At nights when you are asleep you would get people running in your room that you don’t know saying. “It’s 4 a.m., I can’t sleep, someone talk to me.”
Bands would go to your house and ask you to give them a listen because they see that you like a band they sound nothing like.
Anytime you walked into someones house they would have the same video or song playing all the time, non-stop, for three months straight.
You would look your very best at all times.
Some people would be holding their right arm out straight in front of them at all times.
There would be a lot of youthful looking 99 year olds.
Bands with 3 song demos could and would book stadium tours.
Most people would walk around with a full size mirror 2 feet in front of them.
Your driver’s license would have hearts around your name or quote from an emo song.
Blogs would be required reading and any random thought in your head would be shared with everyone.
People would inexplicably be stuck in their homes for hours unable communicate with the out side world because some asshole put up a large white wall in front of every door and window with a note attached saying “an unexpected error has occurred.”
Tila Tequila would know everyone in the whole world.
19 year old boys wouldn’t own shirts and 19 year old girls would not own pants.
Girls would always be posing, cheeks sucked in and lips puckered two feet off their face.
Your attraction to someone would be based on their favorite clothing label, their favorite band, and a survey.
All females would be bi and all males would drive import muscle cars.
The phrases “Yo,” “your hawt,” or “hit me back some time” would attract the opposite sex.
Lesbian women would not allow anyone with a penis within 50 yards of them, not even to deliver a pizza.
It would be no more unusual to see a man walking around displaying his erect, naked penis than it would be to see random women running around in a g-string w/nothing covering their breasts but their hands.
Everyone would make $100,000 a year or higher.
There would be alot of underage strippers in the world
Everywhere you would walk, an image of Angelina Jolie would be behind you.
Forbidden would actually be hot.
It wouldn’t be odd to have Brad Pitt in your circle of friends.
Hello Kitty would be a real person.
Conversations would sound like this: “How are you? sent.” “Good, how are you? replied.”
During a long conversation you’d have to say “Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: all right, well call me later.”
When it was time for bed you would say you’re “Undergoing Maintenance.”
You would have to paint your walls using Thomas Myspace Editor codes in your apartment.
Stewie from Family Guy would be your best friend.
In your circle of friends you would hang out with Scottsdale bars and clothing lines.
When someone said something funny, you’d actually roll around on the floor and laugh your fucking ass off.
“Friend Whoring” would be equal to STD’s.
People would run up to you, tell you a random message, and you’d have 17 minutes and 13 seconds to pass it along before a ghost came to your house and raped your dog.
That last one had me laughing out loud.
Have you noticed I never use web acronyms?
