Yes Ma’am.

Posted in SoForth on February 24th, 2015 by Diva

No one throws a party like one of my closest friends – well, except me of course – and his birthday this past Saturday in Orlando was no exception. One of the highlights was the various performances. Technology has made such things mobile, so a song that started in the kitchen could wend its way through the house and out into the yard and back again.

I love the 21st century. Other highlights:

Pippin.

Good food, excellent company, and adult libations.

Belly laughs.

Your sister sucks. Your mom ROCKS. (So do you, you know.)

Capes.

Introducing the my favorite 50s housewife around.

That redneck hat with the attached wig.

Tiaras.

Surprises.

The Time Warp.

Just drunk enough? Yep … just drunk enough.

Cabaret.

Everything tastes great on a cracker!

The Wooden Throne.

WHACK!

Letting go.

Those shoes. Oh my, those shoes! (And that husband …!)

Wait, that guy talks?!

Crowns.

Put that boy in his place, would ya?

Listening.

Whoopi.

Princesses, queens, and divas, oh my!

If all this seems enigmatic, well, I’m not going to elaborate. If you want to know, you’ll just have to make the trek to Florida and experience it all for yourself, up close and personal.

Just be careful what you wish for.

Whachoo talkin’ ’bout, Willis?

Season’s Greetings.

Posted in WhatNot on February 19th, 2015 by Diva

Since one of my personal mottoes is “Over the top is a good place to start,” I have a hard time knowing when enough is too much.

New Year Cookie Basket (cropped)

I may have gone a tad overboard. As I do … consistently, constantly, and continually.

No sense in stopping now I suppose.

This one’s for the ladies.

A Week in Colorado.

Posted in WhatNot on February 13th, 2015 by Diva

I’ve been in Colorado for 11 years and still haven’t done as much exploration as I did in my first few years in New Mexico. Travel to other states and international destinations, always for good reason, has taken precedence.

I have seen a lot here, just not as much as I’d like. I’ve been through the cities and towns south of Denver quite a bit, due to the move up from Albuquerque and occasional visits. I’ve also seen all of western I-70, as I drive my love up there during ski season and it is the quickest route to take on a road trip to Las Vegas or Los Angeles.

I’ve stayed in Leadville for work purposes (where I found meth-related paraphernalia in the hotel room). I took my BFF to Minturn to browse the annual Eagle County Rummage Sale. There was also the girls-only weekend in Steamboat Springs and I talked my love into a day drive through Rocky Mountain National Park last summer (though he talked me into doing it on a Saturday, which was a HUGE mistake).

I’ve taken visitors up to Estes Park to see the historic Stanley Hotel and we always try to get to Nederland for Frozen Dead Guy Days in early March. There was one afternoon I got a bee in my bonnet and drove through Niwot (great consignment at Rockin Robins) to Lyons (ate and drank at Oskar Blues) and back. I’ve been to Fort Collins, Greeley, and Longmont to pick up items we purchased on eBay, though I need to go back to that last one soon since it’s home to an amazing cheese importer shop.

Yet even with all this, there’s still a lot more of this state to see, so I’ve routed an interesting way to see a lot more of my Rocky Mountain home state. Each destination is about 2-1/2 hours from the previous one, which means I can visit as many as up to three per day depending on how much time I can be gone.

Oh, who am I kidding? I’ll do this, one night at a time, for a week.

Denver to Fairplay – 2 hours

This is South Park. No, really. And they have a thing called Burro Days every July.

Fairplay to Crested Butte – 2-1/2 hours

There are lots of activities in this little mountain burg, but I’ve always just wanted to explore the town. I hear it’s got lots of great little shops and good restaurants.

Crested Butte to Monte Vista – 2-1/2 hours

This spot is pretty much in the middle of nowhere, so why stop? A drive-in movie hotel. Seriously.

Monte Vista to Durango – 2-1/2 hours

I haven’t been to Durango in 20 years, when my traveling companions and I decided to leave our Northern New Mexico motel and drive two hours further north just for the day. It’s a touristy, artsy, outdoorsy kind of place – like what I picture Crested Butte to be – and I’ve always wanted to go back.

Durango to Telluride – 2-1/4 hours

Another beautiful, mountainous spot for another touristy, artsy, outdoorsy town. Colorado has a ton of them.

Telluride to Glenwood Springs – 3-3/4 hours

One could stop in Grand Junction or Clifton, both of which are only 2-1/2 hours away, but on all my treks west I’ve never found a good reason to do so. I’ve enjoyed amazing scenery and food in Glenwood Springs, though, and I want desperately to try their famous hot springs.

Glenwood Springs to Denver – 2-1/2 hours

Since we spend so much time in this region of I-70, there’s no real reason to stop. Except for Holy Toledo consignment in the Vail Valley. And Funky Trunk resale boutique in Frisco. And the food at Modis in Breckenridge. And the Outlets at Silverthorne. And the tiki bar at Pug Ryan’s in Dillon. And Tommyknocker beer in Idaho Springs …

… let’s just say it will take awhile to get home on that final day.

Always does.

Once a Jackass.

Posted in WhatNot on February 11th, 2015 by Diva

I posted the following to The Church of Just Stop It on Facebook and Google+ recently.

JUST STOP IT, Kanye.

Beck doesn’t make the kind of music you like. We get it. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. But who died and made you the arbiter of taste for the rest of us?

No, I don’t care for yours or Beyoncé’s work – or country, or rap, or a whole host of other stuff – but I would never, EVER entertain saying so aloud to your respective faces, let alone on TV or in other media.

To say either of you don’t deserve an award, any award, for what you do is at the very least rude and, at worst, spectacularly arrogant.

And speaking or arrogant, who made you Beyoncé’s savior? Does she need defending because she can’t speak for herself? Does she even share your views on this? Regardless, why do you feel the need to be her knight in shining armor?

Feminist rhetoric aside, what really chaps me is when I compare your words to what Beck said about you and your favorite damsel in distress:

“I was so excited he was coming up! He deserves to be on that stage.”

“Absolutely I thought she was going to win.”

“You can’t please everybody. I still love him and think he’s genius.”

“I aspire to what he does. How many great records has he put out in the last five years right?”

(Source: Daily Mail)

Beck has immense talent and manners.

Kanye proves, once again, that one can be a genius and a jackass simultaneously.

Then, on Twitter today, I saw someone say Kanye’s only being called out because he’s black. More specifically, he’s being harassed because he’s a black man “who won’t behave.”

Um … no. Unequivocally, unashamedly, vehemently and without question, NO.

Doesn’t matter what color a person is, what Kanye did is a dick move. If white people did it in the past – a claim the poster made, which may well be true – then they were dicks, too.

Rude and arrogant is rude and arrogant, no matter what the skin tone. Dick moves shouldn’t be celebrated, they should be knocked around exactly the way Kanye is getting knocked around right now.

If anyone famous, with a shit ton of fans and therefore a huge platform to disseminate such nonsense, attempts to distract attention from an award or – in Kanye’s case and much worse in my opinion – dares to say an award was not deserved, they are a jackass.

An unrepentant, unmitigated, undeniable jackass.

Emily Post is still spinning in that grave.

Charmed, I’m Sure.

Posted in WhatNot on February 5th, 2015 by Diva

So there’s this phenomenon that occurs when I go to my neighborhood nail salon for my mani/pedi: If it’s slow, it suddenly gets busy after I’ve arrived.

I firmly believe in coincidence and that may be a part of it, but I also specifically go when I know it will be slow; I’m rarely organized enough to make an appointment, but after going to the same spot for six years, I’ve learned what days and times business is light. I mean it stands to reason that if I arrive on a Tuesday at 3pm, a few other customers will come in after work at 4 or 5. And I don’t go anywhere near the place on a Saturday in May or June.

Anyway, last time I was in, I received an envelope. The outside says “Bring this in on Thursday, February 19th at 9:30am. Happy New Year!” The lovely lady who runs the place – whose broken English is waaaay better than my total lack of knowledge of Vietnamese – told me in no uncertain terms NOT to open it until then and was emphatic that I show up on time.

This lady also knows I never, EVER come to the shop that early in the morning. So, as my Mom used to say, this got me to wondering. Exactly what does Vietnamese New Year entail? I know it’s called Tết, but I know it for all the wrong reasons. I think it’s on the same calendar as Chinese New Year, but what are the specific, regional differences?

I am SO thankful for Google and Wikipedia right now, guys. I did some intensive reading on the trees, flowers, foods, and gifts of the holiday, but I also discovered a tradition I think may be at work here: The first person to walk through your door on New Year’s Day sets the tone and brings all the luck for the coming year.

I’m a good luck charm!

I’m also a skeptic, but you know what? If it makes the nice folks at my salon happy to think I can bring them health and prosperity in the New Year, so be it.

I don’t even care what’s in the envelope.

Sức khỏe và thịnh vượng trong năm mới

Here We Go Again.

Posted in It's a Conspiracy! on February 4th, 2015 by Diva

Another New Year, another Super Bowl, and another new post about how the Halftime Show is rife with dark ritual and Illuminati symbolism.

Ho-fucking-hum. I actually yawned this time. Maybe I just need more coffee.

By the way, feel free to click on the link above. Doing so won’t add to the site’s profile or numbers, because I used a handy tool called Do Not Link, which changes the URL and keeps a website from getting a higher hit count. Because seriously, the higher a conspiracy theory site’s numbers, the more important the theorists think it is. I prefer not to help them maintain their delusions.

Do Not Link works for any neoconservative, fundamentalist, and other weird/moronic belief sites. Use it today!

The Earth is flat, apparently …

The Maestro.

Posted in SoForth on February 1st, 2015 by Diva

I have been ruminating lately on the way it began, specifically those nights at the house in Albuquerque. There in the dark, hour upon hour, we peeled layers off each others being until we were both unburdened and empty.

I’d never before met my equal. It was terrifying – and irritating, and exhilarating, and exhausting – to have my own tricks used against me. I hated that he saw through me so easily; he hated I could outmaneuver him. We couldn’t fool each other, so we eventually accepted a kind of comfortable detente.

Other people, though … well, they’ve always been fair game.

He began to open people before the cafe table as he opened bottles, not delicately, not gradually, but uncorking them, hurling direct questions at them like javelins, assaulting them with naked curiosity.

A secret, an evasion, a shrinking, drove him to repeat his thrusts like one hard of hearing: what did you say?

No secrets! No mystifications allowed! Spill open! Give yourself publicly like those fanatics who confess to the community.

He hated withdrawals, shells, veils. They aroused the barbarian in him, the violater of cities, the sacker and invader.

Dive from any place whatever!

But dive!

With large savage scissors he cut off all the moorings. Cut off responsibilities, families, shelters. He sent every one of them towards the open sea, into chaos, into poverty into solitude into storms.

At first they bounced safely on the buoyant mattress of his enthusiasms. [He] became gayer and gayer as his timid passengers embarked on unfamiliar and tumultuous seas.

Some felt relieved to have been violated. There was no other way to open their beings. They were glad to have been done violence to as secrets have a way of corroding their containers. Others felt ravaged like invaded countries, felt hopelessly exhibited and ashamed of this lesser aspect of themselves.

As soon as [he] had emptied the person, and the bottle, of all it contained, down to the sediments, he was satiated.

Come, said [he], display the worst in yourself. To laugh it is necessary to present a charade of our diminished states. To face the natural man, and the charm of his defects. Come, said [he], let us share our flaws together. I do not believe in heroes. I believe in the natural man.

~ Anais Nin, Children of the Albatross

If you trust me, I will destroy you. If you trust me, I will help you rebuild. If you trust me, one day you’ll learn to do the same. If you trust me, you may even get a chance at destroying me.

It’s been a long time since I met my match.

Find me a find, catch me a catch.

Express Yourself.

Posted in SoForth on January 31st, 2015 by Diva

Sometimes your position is more solidified when you express yourself aloud.

Other times, speaking your mind makes you understand the other side better, or helps you see red flags you missed.

Then there are those rare moments when, as the words pass your lips into the air between you, even YOU can’t believe what you just said.

Knowing when to speak and when to keep your mouth shut helps all relationships, intimate and platonic. Some things are important enough to be expressed. Some things aren’t.

It’s your job, no matter how emotional the exchange, to know the difference and to act accordingly.

Because once it’s said, it can’t be UNsaid.

Can’t take it back.

Shout at the Devil.

Posted in SoForth on January 28th, 2015 by Diva

Yes, that’s the trouble with mothers. First you get to like them, then they die.

Trouble in Paradise, 1932

……

Have I said QUIT FUCKING SMOKING lately?

No?

……

……

Oh.

Oh, well.

……

……

I could slap you up alongside your out-of-touch, narcissistic, unbelieving, “science doesn’t apply to me” head.

STOP IT.

STOP IT RIGHT NOW.

……

But heeeey … there’s no immediate reward or punishment.

I mean, it will take literal decades to regret the decision you make this very moment.

……

……

……

Would it help if I uppped the ante?

……

……

……

Okay, then.

……

……

I’ll quit drinkin’ if you quite smokin’.

……

……

……

……

Yeeeeaaaaah …

……

… I can’t do it, either.

It’s always harder than you imagine.

Photo Ninja.

Posted in WhatNot on January 23rd, 2015 by Diva

My man is somewhere in this photo. Well, just the back of his head, actually. I was sitting right next to him, but I’m not even in frame.

Now in this photo, you can see my face on the left, but I’m blocking my man’s head.

In this one, a person standing next to our table managed to block my man and I both with a simple hand gesture.

I don’t know how he does it, but unless someone asks and he specifically poses, he doesn’t show up in public pictures. He’s never in a crowd shot at any event, from a huge festival to a small birthday party. I haven’t even found his visage in the millions of fan photos taken at DragonCon over the years.

It’s like he doesn’t exist unless he’s aware of the photographer.

Wait … do any of us exist without online documentation anymore?

This moment brought to you by Buzzfeed.